Hmm, your plumbing might be out for a while (or, “Quaketips descends into bathroom humor”)

(WARNING: This article contains graphic mentions of bodily functions and should not be read while eating lunch)

I’ve got some uncomfortable news for you.  One of the first shortages in the US during the COVID-19 crisis was toilet paper, so suddenly TP is the must-have emergency supply.  However, in the aftermath of a major earthquake, if your plumbing is out of commission for a while, having emergency toilet paper may not cut it.  I mean, we have needs, if you get my drift.  Without working toilets, what are we going to do, put poop in a bag like our dogs or use litterboxes like our cats?

Well actually, yeah, that pretty much describes what we are going to do!  This is the perfect use for compact foldable camping toilets, which are basically a seat that empties into a bag that contains chemicals that disinfect and deodorize your waste.  If you think that sounds distressing, compare it to the alternatives: NOT having a foldable camping toilet, or not pooping.

I must admit that it took me over 13 years of giving talks and over 9 years of writing this blog before realizing that I hadn’t provided for such eventualities, and I did a bit of research about it.  There are a few different kinds of camping toilets out there, and I was able to glean quite a bit of information about them from simply reading Amazon reviews.

It seems some of them have a high risk of collapsing or falling over as you are sitting on them.  I can’t even… let’s not even go there.

Another distressing feature that should be avoided: Something that reached out and grabbed me in these reviews was that some of these toilets reach out and grab you, and this is not the kind of earthquake-induced injury that sounds impressive to relate to people years later.

(There’s one review in particular that had me absolutely on the floor laughing hysterically.  At the risk of turning this family-friendly blog into a PG-13 feature, I’ll link to it assuming the link is permanent.)

I ended up ordering the GO anywhere portable toilet by Cleanwaste.  (This is not intended to be a product endorsement and I have had no contact with the company, nor do I have any relevant financial interests.)  I’m not suggesting this as part of the portable kit, but it could come in really handy if stuck at home with a bunch of TP.

I think the only disadvantage I can see is that after unfolding the legs, it’s really hard to fold them back into position unless you use a screwdriver or some other similar tool to help you push some plastic tabs into their positions.

Now, longtime readers of this blog will know that I typically like to end articles on a light note with some attempted humor.  It seems like a no-brainer that an article about portable toilets would have some great endings, but actually, I couldn’t think of anything that wasn’t just too obvious (like flushing jokes).  And then I was listening to a radio ad about some short term assistance loan program or something, and heard the announcer say, “There are relief programs available.”  I don’t think I can top that…


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